What Would Don Draper Do?
Questions for Don? email: whatwoulddondraperdo@gmail.com
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81.
Say it’s an old football injury.
80. Dear Don Draper, How long until I acknowledge my new secretary?
You’ll have to call for ice before too long. Ask her by name.
79.
Tell her not to confuse this.
78.
When you try to forget something, you have to forget everything.
77. Dear Don Draper, I'm a housewife and find my days depressing and empty. My husband is almost no help with the children. Should I leave him or suffer in silence?
By chance, are you almost no help with his job? Emptiness is a good thing. For relief. Find the depressing part(s) of your day. If it’s the time you spend with your husband, then yes, leave him. If it’s the children, leave them. If it’s just the repetition, the routine of homemaking, hire help and get out of the house. Fill those empty parts of your day with something new: a forgotten passion, a release (have you tried a Relaxicisor?) - maybe a gun. Then return to your family and ask yourself if it’s enough. And if not, must you always be full?
76.
If she says she wants you on the beach, drive her there.
75.
You know what they want you to do. Do it. Do whatever they say. Get out of there and move forward. It never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened.
74. Dear Don Draper, My kid didn't know how to make a Sidecar for my wife. Should I be embarrassed, hit him, or throw his toy robot across the kitchen?
Never hit your children. You think loss, some pain or a bruise will teach him to mix drinks? To learn right from wrong? That’s not the way it works. He’s a kid. My father beat the hell out of me. All it did was make me fantasize about the day I could murder him. Level with the kid. When he’s treated with honesty and respect he’ll aspire to be honest and respectable.
73.
Ask her to cancel her plans and stay in bed.
72. Dear Don Draper, I’ve been feeling a bit tired these days. How do I know if I’ve finally burned out—and where should I go when it’s time to move on?
If you feel a burn-out coming on, take the big-money offer from a competing firm, lazily work it for a year or two and retire. Buy a boat and go wherever you can take it. Maybe you’ll catch the bug again by the time the non-compete expires. Maybe not. For me, the tired, burned-out feeling is just boredom. Sleep with a new woman - hell, try your wife.
71.
Shove her back and hate yourself for it.
70. Dear Don Draper, Let's say Sterling Cooper was the advertising agency for Columbia, SC, and had to come up with a campaign to appeal to out of state meeting planners. What would you do if your creative team came to you with "Columbia, SC: Famously Hot"? Your reputation as creative director is at stake.
Let’s not - please leave Sterling Cooper out of this. Also, my reputation would not be at stake if I took this account. Rather, this account would be the stake driven through my reputation. “Famously Hot” makes me feel nothing. Fire your team and look for a job at a firm with accounts that don’t cater to bored conventioneers. Grab some barbecue in the Midlands on your way out.
69.
Dance with her in the living room.
68.
Start Sunday with a couple Bloody Marys.
67. Dear Don Draper, How do you wear a pocket square?
If I wear one at all, I use white cotton or linen squares and fold them in what’s called a Presidential fold: halved twice at right angles into quarters. And don’t be a dandy - it’s meant to be used.
